That’s me, these days. I can’t sleep. Worse, I can’t figure out why.
May be I’m worried. But I don’t feel worried. Rather, I feel totally in control of myself, my actions and my decisions. I feel that I rule my universe.
What is it, then? I am worried about something, and I don’t know that? Perhaps a fear or worry that is nagging at my subconscious? How do I get it to the fore? I don’t like not being able to sleep at night and then feeling drowsy all day.
I went to bed at 11-30 last night, hoping to fall asleep in a few minutes. But oh! The fairies of slumber simply refused to descend upon my eyes. Tossing and turning... right, left and center, eyes wide open. I tried with the air conditioner on, and I tried with the fan on and the windows open. All futile.
music. The music was okay, but it was heavily interspaced by the blabbering of one RJ who spoke in a constipated accent, trying to make herself sound anything but Indian, and ending up sounding like the empress of fake accents.
I ended up staring outside my windows... at the leave-laden branches and the dark blue sky. It is in these moments that I am at my introspective best. I replay my whole life till now. Suddenly, memories of inconsequential incidents warm up my heart, echoes of a friendly voice lift up my spirits, a phrase, an expression just floats in from somewhere making a bygone era come alive... and faces, voices, laughs, gazes carry me away.
All of that made me. In that light, my values are crystal clear. It is a moment of truth. I know exactly what I am doing. I know exactly what I should do. I feel content... I am entering a new world.
A sharp continuous sound disturbs my world. My phone has been ringing. There is light outside. I had fallen asleep.